How I picked up reading, and how it reminded me on the difficult yet simple process to starting something new

What I think vs what I do: How it changed from when I was young to now

To start this with a digression, I was always a hobby "writer" / blogger, anywhere from tracking my life experiences akin to a diary entry to an attempt at a technical summary on things I've learnt. A problem I tend to have is I half expect my far-and-few-in-between readers (often posted as facebook posts) to have quite a bit of understanding of me as a person and my past, while having multiple running themes and topics across posts. They can be awkward to dissect on any particular writing due to the lack of focus and assumption of existing context. Ultimately, I always wrote for myself, it is a way for me to express and reflect, and for self-amusement. Yet despite my clear goals with little to do with anyone else, it was refreshing and motivating to find out some friends read my writings and found it interesting, providing some feedback or discussion, privately or publicly. So it increasingly become more of a goal of mine to provide better written pieces presented on a better platform than facebook out of all places, with the focus in sharing with others. But it has been years since the seed of this idea was planted in my head. 

This digression is somewhat relevant to today's topic for the idea in how as I shifted from a teenager to an adult in the late 20s, I've had more thoughts that sit in my mind for years, sometimes disturbingly strongly so, which never come to anything in reality. It is not some sort of life philosophy or narratives on how life gets busy, but the fact that many people, like me, seem to have more new ideas as they grow more experienced and knowledgeable, yet less likely to act on them. At times going far and beyond to avoid "uncertainty" and "new things". Some reasonable - in the sense our time is more valuable thus the risk-reward ratio on uncertainty becomes more lopsided, but many unreasonable - when we know we want to try it or it's likely a great idea, yet constantly find "reasons" (excuses) not to. Sometimes we even give it a "half-assed" try to reassure ourselves that the "reasons" of concern are very much legit, then go back to our old ways. 

When I was young. I didn't really know what I wanted to do. But there's one sure thing, if I found something that caught my eye, I'd give it a try, often with serious dedication and commitment for at least a short while. Many video games, billiards / snooker, drumming (set), piano, basketball, soccer, swimming, running, hitting on / flirting with girls, hosting parties (I feel like I enjoyed more from the organization and logistics than the party themselves, lmaoz), are just some examples of the major ones. Many of my most enjoyable hobbies and memorable experiences came from the most random decisions.

I self-taught piano at age of 16 or 17 because I thought a bro of mine looked more competitive than me on the girl-impressing market with his fancy piano skills. (Note: usually piano nerds ain't got nothing on me, but this dude is very social and chill too) I started off by tapping on a printed cardboard of piano keys to memorize the patterns, and went to my friends' place or school piano to have an actual practice when possible. My dad looked at me funny and told mom "our family ain't that poor yet" and bought me a decent second hand $800(?) piano, thus started my musical journey. With a clear goal to be more "emotional", "sensitive", whatever I thought those words meant at 16, for the girls, my very first pieces are all chessy ones like River Flows In You. 10 years later, looking at the pieces I play today, they are anything BUT. We talking Pirates of the Carribean, One Winged Angel (Sephiroth, a villain's extremely sinister theme), Pokemon 1st gen Battle Theme, etc. To experience a new hobby, passion, life adventure and see how it changes you / gets changed by you as time goes on is one of the most intriguing and fun things in life. I suspect many people would agree. 

Yet I cannot be certain when the last time something like this happened, maybe my passion in "spirited" or racetrack driving from 2012-2013. Until very recently, I can finally say I've picked up a new life hobby - reading. 

The "Excuse", The Half-Assed Failure, The Inspiration, The Critical Momentum

I can generalize the phenomenon described above to a highly abstract idea, because I believe it is applicable to many people, in many things. (Note: another example is the very topic of starting to play music, so many people older in age have the interest but do not ever give themselves a serious chance in succeeding, and it has been on my mind to make a video about it for years as well.) But I want to be more focused in talking about my book-reading habit, and with the concrete example, it may become clearer the ideas I try to present. 

The Excuse(s) or The Mental Gap

Everyone probably has a few things on their mind they know they want to try, but don't ever get to it or never get to it with a serious attempt. Working out and getting fit, trying to learn to play piano, or like me, developing a reading habit, etc. First comes the excuses, "I'm too busy", "I'm too old". However, jumping ahead a bit, I want to also make clear the distinction between a "serious" attempt and a hardcore trade off cutting down other aspects of life. A serious attempt means we have crossed the "mental gap", and commit to the idea, not the intensity. It's one thing to say "I MUST SIGN UP FOR A GYM AND GO THERE 4 TIMES A WEEK, NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION LETS GO", and another to become constantly aware of our diet, activity level, and sneaking in a few exercises whenever possible when life gets busy, making the best out of the worst until other priorities are taken care of to ramp up again with minimal damage to the goal. We all know which one tends to stick, and the latter hardly costs more time or physical effort for many people's goals. 

My excuse and mental gap to reading are many. First of all, I was never much of a book reader. I bid my time in high school as a "good student" and completed all my required readings instead of straight spark notes. Some books I actually enjoyed. But to me it was not better than movies or games, both alternative medium having a huge variety from artistic expressions to deeper philosophies just like any textbook can be with more sensory inputs. Second, I was "too busy" (use this excuse for EVERYTHING), I was tired from school and work. While book reading is probably very benefiting to me in multiple ways, without prior habit it's going to take me hardwork and effort to start, thus it may impact my work / study performance negatively. Lastly, should I ever take an attempt, it needs to show extreme promise in providing tangible return so that it's worth the risk. 

Due to the first two excuses, I was not considering this idea as seriously as I should for many years. Due to the last excuse, when I do consider the idea, I spent far more time "researching", trying to find the most impactful, perfect, first (technical) book to read, instead of just... reading something. 

The Half-Assed Failure

For some people, instead of avoiding a thought for the rest of their life, they do take action. An action that's doom'ed to failure from the beginning. 

After the book reading idea has sit on my mind for far too long, I got anxious. OK, I gotta do something. I'm a Software Engineer student, and not even doing that hot in school and work, if I were to read a book, it has to be something that will help me improve, right? I compiled some top recommended books in the industry such as Clean Code, Code Complete, etc. The first step to easing the mind against excuses is to "spend some money" on it. "Get a gym membership." Or in this case, get the actual books first. 

Amazon prime'd that shit. (Actually, one of them is gifted by a friend / collegue of mine, thanks KC)

Then it became daunting to start. OK, when I start reading I want to really absorb it, otherwise why am I even doing this? With busy schedules and responsibilities in life, it just never seem to be a "great" time to start this new grand adventure. The books started to collect dust. 

OK. This is not going well. Let's force ourselves to read a few pages and see how it goes. 

Due to the technical nature, the book reads more like a reference manual than an exciting adventure, and the topics goes anywhere from "I already know this years ago" to "I don't know when I will ever encounter this". It gets harder to pick up every time. See, I knew it! Book reading just isn't for me. I learn better by doing or reading more targeted tutorials online, and it's truly tiring for me to read. The trade-off is clearly not worth it! The excuses weren't excuses, they are legitimate decision making! 

I'm sure other people can draw some analogies to their attempts at things in a similar way, especially people half-ass picking up music lmaoz. It's a topic I will never get over. One day I will make a dedicated essay and / or video on it. 

The Inspiration

For people who never had a "half-ass" attempt, it's either because they didn't try at all, or because they skipped over the half-ass and crossed the mental gap directly. This usually comes from some form of "inspiration". It could be self-found. Call it enlightenment if you wanna. 

My inspiration isn't even at the start of my book reading habit. It's a few months prior in someone planting the seed. I was interning at a large tech corporation at the Bay Area in US, during which I met and chat with a random dude (not on my team). He was supposed to tell me more about the company and the cultural stuffs, but we spend most of the time shooting the shit. During one chat, it was apparent he was going thru what I'm going thru now, as he just picked up reading for a couple months, and was super excited in telling me how wonderful it is. 

At some point, the conversation almost got awkward because "I'm not a reader tho..." 

The guy held strong to his opinion and said he wasn't one either. And this book he had been reading - Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman - is a fascinating book on human psychology and the thinking process' bias, flaws, tendencies. He started to cite the book in telling me many interesting, if not mind-blowing, research experiments and results, ones that sounded like really good reddit post titles. He dived into them and kept coming up with new ones. It was amazing how he could just whip em out on the spot like that (pause). I mentioned to him prior that I'm interested in psychology and have taken some elective course in college, thus he couldn't stop himself from recommending the book to me, non-stop. I could tell he wasn't trying to push it onto me, but only he was so excited about it.

I didn't think much of it and held the conversation on out of politeness. Soon after my internship has ended and I returned home. As I went back to school, my schedule was still quite busy but at least more flexible. During one of my mindless web-window-shopping session, I remembered the chat and the book so I thought "Why not."

At first, it seemed like the failure attempt, collecting dust. I simply don't have a routine in my daily life that fits book reading. Then a miracle happened, one time I thought to myself, why not bring the book with me to the shitters, thus my life has changed. It may sound troll, but it was because I didn't have the baggage of trying to read only the most relevant book (it's an amazing book, but at the time just one recommended by an overly enthusiastic guy), or the baggage of trying to absorb it with 100% focus. I wasn't trying to ease my mind or prove my excuses, I only want to see if it can be an alternative to redditing on the phone (often with not enough new posts) in the washroom. 

10 pages a shit, 70 pages a week, 300 pages a month. Add in some extra time outside of the washroom, I finished the book in roughly a month. A thick, 500-pages, knowledge-based book in a month. Surely it's kid's number for avid readers, but for me it was an accomplishment. I thought Damn, reading can be this interesting and fast? 

One thing led to another, my dad gave me a book Principles by Ray Dalio, and I stumbled upon Hooked by Nir Eyal. The first was a half autobiography, half self-help book by one of the most successful entrepreneur and investor / fund manager who was a mentor to many policy makers and great minds such as Bill Gates. The latter a "Bay Area startup bible" during its early years in breaking down how to get people "hooked" to technologies / apps at a glance, with many of its core concepts becoming industry norms in the years since. These drastically different books provided me fantastically new perspectives, at times overlapping, at times contrasting one another. What surprised me the most is how seemingly unrelated books will cover similar topics, ideas, and described completely different things in similar manners.

Suffice to say, I got hooked to reading. 

The Critical Momentum

At this point, it doesn't need much of an explanation. We all experience those very subtle and imprecise, yet obviously noticeable changes "at some point" as we fully adapt to a new hobby, passion, skill, life experience. 

This momentum or threshold can be described and dissected in many ways. Such as digging deep into human psychology like those described by the books Thinking Fast and Slow or Hooked in how we form habits or new perspectives. For me it's far simpler. 

For any activity that has some form of "repertoire" or "collection". The magical number for me is somewhere between 5-8. When I started playing piano, I didn't know if it was a random impulse that will lose steam quickly or a life long passion, and it was both extremely rewarding and frustrating in the beginning. I had no prior experience, my fingers don't coordinate, learning doesn't make sense. But I started with the pieces I deeply wanted to learn and fueled by the desire to impress cute girls, every bar of music sheet I got down gives me a huge dopamine hit. Even then, it was hard to say whether the excitement or frustration will prevail. 

Yet, it becomes natural and easy to keep going once I have completed 5-8 of them, especially if it's done in a continuous stretch. For me to read 5-8 books, or learn 5-8 pieces of music one after another, I must develop some form of a routine / habit for it. Not only that, by the time I have this "repertoire", I am much more aware of what I like and don't like about it, what are common aspects across all and what are unique in each, some skills, knowledge or experience starts to transfer and enhance the experience of future endeavors. It's no longer about finding excuses, but about optimizing both the individual selection and overall direction so I enjoy it even more in the future. And if one day I do decide to drop it, it will be because I have burnt out or other legit priorities (maybe new hobbies) took over, not because "I'm too busy". You make time for what you want to do, always.

Applying this elsewhere

This magical number may not apply to activities such as fitness, but I believe it can be roughly translated to 5-8 sizable but reasonable units, milestones, or mini-goals. Let's say we start to progressively overload on big lifts with a 5x5 routine. After we get used to the basics, if we raise our personal record little by little 5-8 times - eg starting with a mediocre 135lb bench press 5x5, and hit 185lb or above at some point, I'd say it will feel quite similar to what I describe. It can still be less relevant to specific goals such as achieving a certain running time, or to learn a specific skill like surfing, flying a plane, etc. For which I'd say the abstract ideas will still be there but the 5-8 number is no longer applicable. 

In general, ideas and imaginations in our heads often do not accurately portray the reality of how things will be. Yet we are too reliant on them to give us a prediction if not "excuses" to our decision making. We "imagine" out all these ideas and details we like and don't like without ever deeply considering if any of them is true and believe them to a fault. We want to avoid uncertainty and wasting efforts so badly, anything we aren't familiar with and good at is at default a -100, sometimes pushing us away from great choices and stick to the same ol'. 

In Thinking Fast and Slow, this concept is discussed much more in detail between the "system 1" and "system 2" named in the book. Our system 2, which is what we tend to think ourselves as - the consciousness being, believes our thoughts and conclusions come from logic and reasoning. The reality is most of it come from the suggestion of system 1 without us knowing, call it subconsciousness or instinct, based on the evolutionary process in making the most "efficient" deductions or guesses. Among them, most will completely fail any logic or statistical standards, but good enough back in the jungle days. 

Originally I typed on 2 more paragraphs on topics directly related such as our system 1's tendency towards familiarity (huge evolutionary pressure to stick with what we already know is safe and good), and more subtle ones such as our tendency to reduce complex questions to something basic using "analogies" or substitutions, with or without our notice. They provide powerful intuitions and quick answers for a huge number of things in our daily lives, but it can also be counter productive on certain problems without understanding our flaws and biases in thinking. I will leave that as a recommendation for people to read the book instead. 

Conclusion - Take a wild guess on my next thing to pick up in life?

If it isn't obvious enough. Teachers told us our ending should always connect to the opening. With my initial tangent, it is no surprise I have setup my next goal to give the idea which has been on my mind for way too long a serious go. 

To cross this mental gap in producing better quality essays on a better platform, aimed towards better readability and focus, rather than letting facebook naturally push it down to oblivion in a couple days, good or bad. To not be so worried about writing the perfect first blog or how it can relate back to my career by building a fancy website with time I don't have. But to simply - write some shit first, then we will see. 

Extra commentary

1) Originally I had a section on how "work smart not hard" is only an applicable idea in something you are already doing or required to carry out, not when it's try vs no-try, but many people has it so ingrained from school and work, it becomes a major decision factor in evaluating uncertainty. Not the uncertainty on whether something will be fun / good, but the uncertainty in how much shortcut and efficiency tricks can we utilize for this new subject. 

It is casually mentioned at the end of "The Excuse" section, because I suspect many people like me who are trying to start something new, also spent way too much time on "researching" what's the best way to go about it (then do nothing) rather than having a direct attempt at it. Efficiency is secondary when the goal has little to do with deadlines and throughput, these are passions, hobbies, and useful / fun life skills we are talking about, getting there is the only goal. But it also have nuances when it comes to harm potentials. Fitness exercises should not be started willy nilly like music playing and book reading, as people can injure themselves without ever fully recovering. The writing became long and didn't fit the overall flowing narrative. Thus I decided to leave it out. 

2) This is the first time I looked up the whole problem of using images online for copyright stuffs. For random commentary images, it's easy to find public images, but I was worried about the book covers and had an interesting read, from this blog to another blog it cited. 

In short, it's technically "not allowed" but almost always ok in reality both under some fair use guidelines as well as the lack of reason to pursue it. The only reason not to obtain a proper allowance when most writers / publishers would enjoy the free exposure and marketing is due to the fact that it's too much of a hassle for both parties involved. 

3) Due to the intention of splitting my real identity from this blog, I am trying to start anew and not necessarily writing on what's the most recently on my mind. Also I wanted to start with a longer essay for "essayron".

Speaking of books, those that know me personally have already been bombarded by my recommendation to the book Why We Sleep by Matthew Walkers. I intend to write an entire blog about it, and it didn't fit well into this one, thus it's only mentioned here.